I get a lot of questions, mostly from women, about how they can reach an orgasm , because they never have before, and have tried “everything” and still cannot reach orgasm. Sadly, it’s kind of a common occurrence and 1 in 5 women experience what is known as anorgasmia. And 1/3 of women cannot consistently have orgasms with sexual intimacy, or they are just not happy with the orgasms they have. Thats a bummer, but the good news is that there are a few things you can do to try and change that!
What is anorgasmia?
Literally it is difficulty or inability to reach orgasm with ample sexual stimulation. An orgasm is the release of intense physical pleasure, followed by involuntary contractions of your pelvic floor muscles. It can be amazing, but it causes many women a significant amount of distress to not be able to reach that level of stimulation. All orgasms very in intensity, frequency, and amount of stimulation to lead to that defining moment, and it can clearly be really frustrating for women who can never get to that point, or never be satisfied with how their bodies respond. There are three levels:
Primary: Never being able to reach orgasm.
Secondary: You were once able to reach orgasm but no longer can.
Situational: Only being able to reach orgasm in certain situations, like only with direct clitoral stimulation, in the form of masturbation (around 80% of women).
Why does this happen?
There are three main reasons that these forms of anorgasmia can occur:
-Chronic medical issues: such as diabetes, vascular disease, or cardiac issues can impede blood flow, and any form of surgery that is performed on/in your sexual regions (hysterectomy, etc)can lead to issues with orgasm later on.
-Medications: The biggest offenders are SSRI’s (a form of antidepressant) and it can affect both men and women equally (leading to erectile dysfunction in men.
-Alcohol: while it can put you in the mood, it can impede you from actually reaching true orgasm.
-Aging: It is just part of the aging process, just like a drop in the estrogen levels due to menopause and a decrease in blood flow.
-Anxiety and Depression: Can cause the neurotransmitters to be off and
-Guilt related to sex
-Stress related to the sexual situation or STD’s
-Lack of intimacy/connection with your partner
-Lack of trust
-Poor communication related to sexual needs
What can we do to fix this??
First of all, you need to learn your body. Understand where your clitoris is, what is it is, and what feels good to you. So use a mirror, check out your goods, and play around to see what feels good; there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, and it is totally healthy! If you have a partner, talk to them about what feels good, or buy a kama sutra (or another adult book) and play around with different positions that excite YOU and will stimulate your clitoris….if it doesn’t work, no harm no foul, try a different position, it’s just sex, and it’s fun! If there are relationship issues, therapy can help to work through those problems, and allow for you and your partner to feel more connected, and allow for a better chance of orgasm. Also Sex Therapists can help you and your partner to learn some new techniques to reach orgasm, and to learn some moves that might just feel good and there is no stress or worry related to attempting to reach orgasm. If it’s a medical issue (or related to medications), talk to your HCP to see if you can switch medications that might work better for you, and sometimes hormone replacement therapy can be helpful. Also, Zestra is a massage oil said to stimulate blood to the clitoral area and ArginMax is a nutritional supplement that is said to increase blood flow to the clitoris. As always, talk to your HCP before starting any supplements or OTC meds!
What it comes down to, is that you need to feel relaxed and comfortable with your body, if you don’t, you won’t reach orgasm. And, you need to understand what works best for you, play around by yourself AND with a partner…maybe use some “adult” viewing to get some inspiration, or purchase an adult “body massager” to help stimulate your clitoris while you are having sex, or just with your partner. When you learn to feel good about yourself, relaxed, and you are able to communicate to your partner what you want done, you are most likely to have an orgasm. If all this fails, talk to your HCP and get a physical exam, maybe there is something else going on that can be treated….us women are such finicky creatures, and there is always something we can try to make you feel that ultimate pleasure!
Yours in Good Health